The Sheerer the Better


I feel it’s been long enough, and I haven’t heard anything on the news, so I can talk about this.

A phone call a few Saturdays ago at work…

Guy on the other end of the line: Do you have a good selection of chiffons?

DK: Yeah, we have a pretty good selection of chiffon.  What are you looking for? (fishing for a color, maybe I should have been more specific)

GOTOEOTL: Well, you have to promise not to laugh.

DK: *skeptical* Okay…. I promise…

GOTOEOTL: Our father is out of town, and we need to blackmail our mother.  She used to be a Vegas dancer, so we’re going to make her go around to construction sites and deliver coffee…. Wearing chiffon.

DK: Okay… well… What color did you have in mind?

GOTOEOTL: It doesn’t really matter.  The sheerer the better.  Say, is it busy there right now?

DK: Yeah, it’s pretty busy.

GOTOEOTL: Do you think it will calm down later this evening?

DK: Yeah, it usually gets quieter when the sun goes down.

GOTOEOTL: Good, because my mom is really nervous.  Say, if I put her on the line, would you tell her to do it?

DK: Uhhh… okay.

Terrible Adult Son’s Mother: Hello?  Do you really think I should do it?

DK: Well, you only live once, right?

TASM: I’m so nervous, but I’m kind of excited!  Do you think I should do it?

DK: Sure, it’ll be fun, right?  You’ll be doing it for everyone out there.

TASM: Do you really think I can do it?  I’m so nervous.

DK: I’m sure you can do it.  You’ll be fine.

TASM: Oh I’m so nervous, my son is going to video tape it!  Would you do it?

DK:  Uhhhhh……

TASM: Okay, if you think I can do it, I will!  Thank you!

DK: No problem!  Have fun! *hangs up*

Coworker who was standing next to me the whole time: What…?

DK: I’ll tell you later! *runs off to find fellow managers and laugh uncontrolably in the office*

Keep in mind, the whole time my coworker heard me say things like, “Yeah, we have a pretty good selection of chiffon” and then, “You only live once,” “You’ll be doing it for every woman out there,” and “I’m sure you can do it.  You’ll be fine”

I wish I knew if she really did it.  No one that worked that night said they cut a bunch of chiffon.  And if they told me what was up–more or less unprompted–they would have told whomever cut for them.  And we would have heard about it.  I can promise that!


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