I feel it’s been long enough, and I haven’t heard anything on the news, so I can talk about this.
A phone call a few Saturdays ago at work…
Guy on the other end of the line: Do you have a good selection of chiffons?
DK: Yeah, we have a pretty good selection of chiffon. What are you looking for? (fishing for a color, maybe I should have been more specific)
GOTOEOTL: Well, you have to promise not to laugh.
DK: *skeptical* Okay…. I promise…
GOTOEOTL: Our father is out of town, and we need to blackmail our mother. She used to be a Vegas dancer, so we’re going to make her go around to construction sites and deliver coffee…. Wearing chiffon.
DK: Okay… well… What color did you have in mind?
GOTOEOTL: It doesn’t really matter. The sheerer the better. Say, is it busy there right now?
DK: Yeah, it’s pretty busy.
GOTOEOTL: Do you think it will calm down later this evening?
DK: Yeah, it usually gets quieter when the sun goes down.
GOTOEOTL: Good, because my mom is really nervous. Say, if I put her on the line, would you tell her to do it?
DK: Uhhh… okay.
Terrible Adult Son’s Mother: Hello? Do you really think I should do it?
DK: Well, you only live once, right?
TASM: I’m so nervous, but I’m kind of excited! Do you think I should do it?
DK: Sure, it’ll be fun, right? You’ll be doing it for everyone out there.
TASM: Do you really think I can do it? I’m so nervous.
DK: I’m sure you can do it. You’ll be fine.
TASM: Oh I’m so nervous, my son is going to video tape it! Would you do it?
TASM: Okay, if you think I can do it, I will! Thank you!
DK: No problem! Have fun! *hangs up*
Coworker who was standing next to me the whole time: What…?
DK: I’ll tell you later! *runs off to find fellow managers and laugh uncontrolably in the office*
Keep in mind, the whole time my coworker heard me say things like, “Yeah, we have a pretty good selection of chiffon” and then, “You only live once,” “You’ll be doing it for every woman out there,” and “I’m sure you can do it. You’ll be fine”
I wish I knew if she really did it. No one that worked that night said they cut a bunch of chiffon. And if they told me what was up–more or less unprompted–they would have told whomever cut for them. And we would have heard about it. I can promise that!