Dear Drivers in the Twin Cities Metro Area

Stop being so douchy.  There.  I said it.  I have to spent 5x more time in my truck now, and the general population on the road is starting to make me angry.  Let’s go over DK’s rules of the road, shall we?


The speed limit is just that: the limit.  Don’t expect me to drive faster than that.  You’re welcome to, just don’t cut close to my truck as you’re weaving in and out of the lanes.  That doesn’t tell me I’m going slow, it just tells me you’re a jerk.  Listen.  My gas milage is more important to me than ever.  I’m not going to go over 60.  If the limit is 55, I’m going to go 55.  If the limit is 60, I’m going to hover around 59-60.  This doesn’t happen often, but when the limit is 65, I’m going to go 60.  Just get over it.  Go around me if it’s convenient, but don’t you dare ride my ass, or I will go slower.

I will admit now that I’m a hypocrite.  But only if you’re being a jerk.  If you’re a jerk, I will be a jerk right back.  In addition to going slower when someone tailgates me, I will do anything in my power to keep people from darting in and out of lanes in a vain attempt to get someplace faster.  I will try really hard to keep pace with the cars around me just so someone can’t keep switching lanes.  Don’t get me wrong, I won’t block people who are calmly trying to get around me.  It’s the cars you see in your mirror, or the ones ahead of you that you happen to catch up with zinging left and right after every car they pass.

Speaking of speeding…  If you can’t make a turn while staying in your lane, you’re going too fast.  I’m tired of being pushed out of my lane by people who insist on straddling the line as they pass me.  I’m not talking tire on the line, I’m talking about two feet into my lane.  Foot off gas, hang up the phone, head out of ass… whatever.  Just get out of my lane.  I’m very possessive.  Especially when it comes to living.  Look, if a road is under construction and the lanes are narrower than they used to be…. and the curves are sharper… you can’t drive the same way you did before they started tearing things up.  It’s just a fact of life.  Chill out, slow down, and enjoy the ride.

I try to take a rather zen approach to driving.  I avoid road rage, mostly because I don’t think it’s healthy to get upset over such little things.  But my dander is up, and I needed something to post about anyway.  Plus I “read” the lolcat book today, and there’s a road rage kitty that cracks me up.  Similar to the picture I used, but not quite.  Couldn’t find it online, but I didn’t try very hard.  I stopped when I found that one.

PS: I am the queen of hurting myself!  I got a paper cut under my right index finger nail, a TAPE cut on my right middle finger (yes, I cut myself on a piece of tape!), and a cardboard cut on my right thumb.  I was going for all five, but alas… Maybe tomorrow.


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